Duck Duck Wally BY Gabe Rotter Reviewed by Susan Brooks    Wally Moscowitz is a schlumpy thirty-one year old, ostensibly employed as an administrative assistant at rap label Godz-illa Records. In reality, he is the ghostwriter for that label’s star attraction, gangsta-style performer Oral B (real name Brandunn Bell), described as being “as dumb as a bag of Cheese Doodles” and a rap artist incapable of writing his own rhymes. Wally has a perfect memory for pop culture, a common affliction in the real world these days, which is why he is so good at writing rap. He’s being paid well, but under the table, and is not allowed to spend any of the money for fear of attracting attention that might lead to questions; he pens hit songs that sell millions, but can’t tell a living soul. His life is, as he puts it, “a game that I can’t win.”Wally’s real ambition in life is to publish the smutty fairytales for grown-ups that he also writes on the down-low (the book opens with one entitled “Don’t Join the Mafia, Bobby”). He took the Oral B gig out of desperation after college, when he saw a classified ad in a Jewish newspaper. He has an agent who finds a children’s book company that wants to publish his work, but only if he changes everything about it. His life is coasting along until his dog, Dr. Barry Schwarzman (“I’m not exactly sure what kind of doctor he is, but I suspect that he may be a podiatrist”) is kidnapped. Craziness ensues, culminating in Wally being hunted down by the LAPD as a “little murderin’ white dude.” Duck Duck Wally has its moments. There are some touches that inspire spontaneous chuckling, such as the fact that the chapters are called “chizapters,” an amusement you might not notice right away without your humble reviewer to point it out to you. You also have to find something to like in a protagonist who unironically describes himself as “gadgety,” 5’6” while wearing “tall shoes” and “just this frumpy putz with a story to tell.” The basic premise is promising, too, but a lot of the action feels contrived, a little too screwball and slapstick. Some of the characters (Wally’s girlfriend is distant and mean) and plot twists (a femme fatale inexplicably throws herself at him in a bar, the Mob shows up, etc.) read like they came from First Novel 101 software, and the nebbishy schtick, while sometimes funny, also owes far, far, far too much to Woody Allen. The book is also thoroughly politically incorrect, taking swipes at practically every ethnicity, down to including sophomoric parodies of foreign accents. It’s written for young dudes to quote from self-referentially in order to crack each other up, like this past summer’s over-hyped film Knocked Up. Like that movie, Duck Duck Wally is underdeveloped and holds entirely too entitled an attitude to its own cultural relevance. Duck Duck Wally really is the first novel from USC film school grad Gabe Rotter, originally a New York state native who formerly worked in Hollywood as an assistant to X-Files creator Chris Carter. He says he executed his book concept by coming home every night from work and writing for at least two hours, which is admirable, and a lesson to many aspiring authors – you don’t need to go on an extended writer’s retreat or give up your day job to finish a manuscript. That said, his end product is simply very average, and it’s tiredly predictable that it would meet a hero’s welcome in the publishing world. Duck Duck Wally is pop culture lite, very of the moment and crammed full of throwaway references that won’t age well, the literary equivalent of watching a few hours of VH-1 reality programming – it’s enjoyable but ultimately rather empty. Therefore, it will probably sell millions. |  |
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